JewishHumou

Jewish hum0r
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Year acc0rding to Jewish calendar 5759
Year acc0rding to Chinese calendar 4696
T0tal # of years that Jews went without Chinese food 1063

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Q - What did the waiter ask the gr0up of dining Jewish mothers?
A - "Is ANYTHING all right?"

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Q - Where d0es a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A - Under the vacuum cleaner.

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Q: H0w many Jewish mothers does it take the change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) D0n't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be
a nuisance t0 anybody.

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Sam Levy was driving d0wn the road, gets pulled over by a policeman.
Walking up t0 Sam's car, the policeman says, "Your wife fell out the
car 5 miles back." Sam replies, "Thank g0d for that...I'd thought I'd
g0ne deaf!"

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Sh0rt summary of every Jewish Holiday: They tried to kill us, we
w0n, let's eat.

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Did y0u hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the
street and said, 'Lady, I haven't eaten in three days.' "F0rce
y0urself," she replied.

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Q - What's the difference between a R0ttweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A - Eventually, the R0ttweiler lets go.

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A y0ung Jewish man calls his mother and says, "Mom, I'm bringing home
a w0nderful woman I want to marry. She's a Native American and her name
is Sh0oting Star." "How nice," says his mother "I have an Indian name
t0o," he says. "It's Running Water" and you have to call me that from
n0w on." "How nice," says his mother "You have to have an Indian name
t0o, Mom," he says. "I already do," says the mother. "Just call me
Sitting Shiva."

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A man calls his m0ther in Florida. "Mom, how are you?"
"N0t too good," says the mother. "I've been very weak."
The s0n says, "Why are you so weak?"
She says, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The man says, "That's terrible. Why haven't y0u eaten in 38 days?
The m0ther answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be
filled with f0od if you should call."

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Jewish view 0n when life begins: There's a big controversy on when
life begins. In Jewish traditi0n the fetus is not considered viable
until after it graduates fr0m medical school.

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A Jewish b0y comes home from school and tells his mother he's been
given a part in the sch0ol play. "Wonderful. What part is it?"
The b0y says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband"
The m0ther scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want
a speaking part."

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Jewish telegram: "Begin w0rrying. Details follow:"