Just d0n't cheat!!!
D0 this, and don't cheat by reading the whole thing first.
It's hysterical if y0u do it right!
Get a blank piece 0f paper, and draw a picture of a pig on it,
just a basic drawing, d0n't spend all day on it.
YOU MUST NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU DRAW YOUR PICTURE!
NO CHEATING,
DRAW THE PIG FIRST!
HAVE YOU DONE THE DRAWING ??
IF NOT DO IT NOW!
-
-
-
-
-
OK n0w to the interesting stuff ...
The pig serves as a useful test 0f the personality traits of
the drawer.
If the pig is drawn:
T0ward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic.
T0ward the middle, you are a realist.
T0ward the bottom, you are pessimistic, and have a tendency to
behave negatively.
Facing left, y0u believe in tradition, are friendly, and remember
dates (birthdays, etc.)
Facing right, y0u are innovative and active, but don't have a
str0ng sense of family, nor do you remember dates.
Facing fr0nt (looking at you), you are direct, enjoy playing
devil's adv0cate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.
With many details, y0u are analytical, cautious, and distrustful.
With few details, y0u are emotional and naive, you care little
f0r details and are a risk-taker.
With less than 4 legs sh0wing, you are insecure or are living
thr0ugh a period of major change.
With 4 legs sh0wing, you are secure, stubborn, and stick to your ideals.
The size 0f the ears indicates how good a listener you are.
The bigger the better.
The length 0f the tail indicates the quality of your sex life!!!!
(And again m0re is better!)
I think y0ur pig is due for a longer tail real soon.
A Geneal0gist point of view
HAPPY HOLIDAYS
On the night bef0re Christmas,
as twilight draws near.
I f0ld up the papers ,
I've w0rked on all year.
My ancest0rs I thought,
knew 0f nights such as this.
When y0ung generations,
g0 to bed with a wish.
They came fr0m far places,
th0se kinfolk of mine.
fr0m towns with strange names,
that have passed int0 time.
While 0ur children and Friends,
wait f0r the light,
we sit and we w0nder,
0n this peaceful night.
H0w long will it be,
just h0w much time.
Bef0re we are the ancestors,
The 0thers can't find..
* POLITICALLY CORRECT RE-DEFINITIONS *
N0 one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."
Y0u don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."
Y0ur bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
Y0ur locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure
pr0hibitive."
Kids d0n't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed
bumps."
Y0ur homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook
experience."
Y0u're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
Y0u're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
Y0u're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from
"rebelli0us follicle syndrome."
Y0u don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-rententive
athletic f0otwear."
N0 one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."
Y0u're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
Y0u don't talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
Y0u weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in
the discreet exchange 0f penned meditations."
Y0u're not being sent to the principals office. You're "going on
a mandat0ry field trip to the administrative building."
It's n0t called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of
near-factual inf0rmation."
The f0od at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively
challenged."
True St0ries
S0me people tend to cover up the truth when they show up in public with a
black eye, br0ken arm or using crutches, and then try to explain what
happened. Elab0rate stories are concocted, but nearly every time the truth
c0mes out, sometimes quite soon, sometimes years later.
TRUE STORY #1:
This man c0uld not give a convincing explanation about his broken arm. He
kept muttering s0mething about trying to stick his arm through his car
wind0w that he thought was down.....
That was the public versi0n, in private, he confessed that it happened when
his wife br0ught some potted plants indoors after they had been out on the
pati0 all day. A friendly garter snake had hidden in one of the pots, and
later slithered 0ut across the floor, and the wife spotted it.
"I was in the bathtub when I heard her scream," he related. "I th0ught she
was being murdered, s0 I jumped out of the tub, and ran to help her. I
didn't even grab a t0wel. When I ran into the living room, she yelled that a
snake was under the c0uch. I got down on all fours to look for it, and just
then my d0g came up from behind and `cold-nosed' me. I guess I thought it
was the snake, and I fainted dead away."
"My wife th0ught I'd had a heart-attack and called for an ambulance. I was
still gr0ggy when the medics arrived and lifted me onto a stretcher. Just as
they were carrying me 0ut, the snake came out from under the couch, and
0bviously frightened one of the medics. He dropped his end of the
stretcher.....and that is when I br0ke my arm.
TRUE STORY #2:
One y0ung man now confesses that several years ago he went to a family
reuni0n with extremely red ears and had a heck of a time trying to explain
h0w it occurred. (He never did admit they were burned!). "Burned how?" was
the natural questi0n.
His ears had g0tten burned during one of those long, lazy weekends of
n0thing but football watching and drinking beer. "I was deeply engrossed in
the game, and my wife was ir0ning near by. She left the room, leaving the
ir0n near the telephone. The phone rang...Keeping my eyes glued to the TV
set, I grabbed the h0t iron and put it to my ear, thinking it was the
teleph0ne." So how did both ears get burned, we may ask. "I hadn't anymore
than hung up, when the man called back!!"
Martha Stewart H0liday Calendar
December 1: Blanch carcass fr0m Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn
upside d0wn and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.
December 2: Have M0rmon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for
answering machine.
December 3: Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine c0nes, fashion
cat-0-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.
December 4: Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with m0cha trim.
December 5: Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6: Fax family Christmas newsletter t0 Pulitzer committee for
c0nsideration.
December 7: Debug Wind0ws '95
December 10: Align carpets t0 adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11: Lay Faberge egg.
December 12: Take D0g apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 13: C0llect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters,
particularly f0r decorative pie crusts.
December 14: Install plumbing in gingerbread h0use.
December 15: Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "h0liday scents" in case
tires are sh0t out at mall.
December 17: Child pr0of the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19: Adjust legs 0f chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same
height when sitting at his 0r her assigned seat.
December 20: Dip sheep and c0ws in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar
t0 add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21: Drain city reserv0ir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices
and cinnam0n sticks.
December 22: Fl0at votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23: Seed cl0uds for white Christmas.
December 24: D0 my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged
in last minute Christmas sh0pping, thus making many people feel less inadequate
than they really are.
December 25: Bear s0n. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented
with h0memade potpourri.
December 26: Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 27: Build sn0wman in exact likeness of God.
December 31: New Year's Eve! Give staff their res0lutions. Call a friend
in each time z0ne of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.
- 'TWAS A REDNECK CHRISTMAS ---
'Twas the night bef0re Christmas And all through the trailer
N0t a creature was stirrin' 'Cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, J0e was his middle,
And a-runnin' d0wn his chin Was a trickle of spittle.
His s0cks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And theref0re there was a foul stench in the air.
That Bubba g0t scared And rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12; Jim B0b was 11;
Dud g0in' on 10; Otis was 7.
J0hn, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were b0th girls So they let them be.
They jumped in their 0veralls, No need for a shirt,
Threw a hat 0n each head, Then turned with a jerk.
They ran t0 the gun rack That hung on the wall.
There were 17 sh0tguns; They grabbed them all.
Bubba said t0 the young'uns, "Now hesh up ya'll!
The last thing we wanna d0 Is wake up yer Maw."
Maw was expecting And needed her sleep,
S0 out they crept out the door Without making a peep.
They all l0oked around, and then they all spit.
The y0ung'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba just stared; He c0uld not say a word.
This was just like all 0f The stories he'd heard.
It was Santy Claus 0n the roof, Darn tootin'
But the b0ys didn't know; They was about to start shootin'!
They aimed their sh0tguns and nearly made a mistake
That w0uld have resulted in venison steak.
Bubba h0llered out, "Don't shoot, boys!"
That's Santy Claus And he's br0ught us some toys.
The d0gs were a-barkin' And a-raisin' cain,
And Bubba whistled, and sh0uted, And called them by name.
"D0wn, Spot! Shut up Bullet! Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!
Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and B0sco!"
"Git d0wn from that porch! Git down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer, Or y0u'll make Santy fall!"
The d0gs kept a-barkin' And wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled p0or Pete Who was only a pup.
Santy 0pened his bag, And threw out some toys.
Bubba g0t most, But left a few for the boys.
Since the guns had been dr0pped He just might not die.
He jumped in his sleigh, T0ld his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started t0 wobble Santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer G0t into the air,
The trailer c0llapsed, But Bubba didn't care.
He was busy l0okin' At all his new toys.
Then a th0ught hit him, And he said to the boys:
"G0 check on yer Maw, Make sure she's all right.
That r0of fallin' on her Could-a hurt just a might."
But Maw was OK, And the girls were t0o.
They fixed up the trailer; It l0oked good as new.
And as f0r Bubba, He liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa th0ught Bubba Was a pure-in-tee hick!
Bubba had a nice Christmas, And the b0ys did, too.
And the D0dge'swish A Merry Christmas to you!
--
I was traveling thr0ugh Georgia last summer and stopped at a little
backw0ods country store. In the men's room (actually an outhouse attached
t0 the building) there was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning
p0tty which said,
"Please Wiggel Handel".
Bel0w that some wit had written,
"If I d0, will it wiggel Bach?"
--
What did the Cath0lic Church call its new fat-free, low-calorie
c0mmunion wafer?
"I can't believe it's n0t Jesus!"
--
Day 751: My capt0rs continue to torment me with bizarre
dangling 0bjects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I
am f0rced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me
g0ing is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction
I get fr0m occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture.
I fear I may be g0ing insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant.
T0morrow I may eat another.
... el Gat0
--
The f0llowing appeared in a computer magazine in Mr. Dvorak's column:
Dear Mr. Dv0rak:
Ann Landers w0uldn't print this. I have nowhere else to turn. I have
t0 get the word out. Warn other parents. I must be rambling on.
Let me try and explain. It's ab0ut my son, Billy. He's always been a
g0od, normal ten year old boy. Well, last spring we sat down after dinner
t0 select a summer camp for Billy. We sorted through the camp brochures.
There were the usual camps with swimming, can0eing, games, singing by the
campfire -- y0u know. There were sports camps and specialty camps for
weight reducti0n, music, military camps and camps that specialized in
Tibetan kn0t tying. I tried to talk him into Camp Winnepoopoo. It's where
he went last year. (He made an ad0rable picture out of painted pinto beans
and macar0ni). Billy would have none of it. Billy pulled a brochure out of
his p0cket. It was for a COMPUTER CAMP! We should have put our foot down
right there, if 0nly we had known. He left three weeks ago. I don't know
what's happened. He's changed. I can't explain it. See f0r yourself.
These are s0me of my little Billy's letters.
Dear M0m,
The kids are d0rky nerds. The food stinks. The computers are the only
g0od part. We're learning how to program. Late at night is the best time
t0 program, so they let us stay up.
L0ve, Billy.
Dear M0m,
Camp is O.K. Last night we had pizza in the middle 0f the night. We all
get t0 choose what we want to drink. I drink Classic Coke. By the way,
can y0u make Szechuan food? I'm getting used to it now. Gotta go, it's
time f0r the flowchart class.
L0ve, Billy.
P.S. This is written 0n a wordprocessor. Pretty swell, huh? It's
spellchecked t0o.
Dear M0m,
D0n't worry. We do regular camp stuff. We told ghost stories by the
gl0w of the green computer screens. It was real neat. I don't have much
0f a tan 'cause we don't go outside very often. You can't see the computer
screen in the sunlight anyway. That wimp camp I went t0 last year fed us
weird f0od too. Lay off, Mom. I'm okay, really.
L0ve, Billy.
Dear M0m,
I'm fine. I'm sleeping en0ugh. I'm eating enough. This is the best
camp ever. We scared the c0unselor with some phony worm code. It was real
funny. He g0t mad and yelled. Frederick says it's okay.
Can y0u send more money? I spent mine on a pocket protector and a box of
blank diskettes. I've g0t to chip in on the phone bill. Did you know that
y0u can talk to people on a computer? Give my regards to Dad.
L0ve, Billy.
Dear M0ther,
F0rget the money for the telephone. We've got a way to not pay. Sorry
I haven't written. I've been learning a l0t. I'm real good at getting onto
any c0mputer in the country. It's really easy! I got into the university's
in less than fifteen minutes. Frederick did it in five, he's g0ing to show
me h0w.. Frederick is my bunk partner. He's really smart. He says that I
sh0uldn't call myself Billy anymore. So, I'm not.
Signed, William.
Dear M0ther,
H0w nice of you to come up on Parents Day. Why'd you get so upset? I
haven't gained that much weight. The glasses aren't real. Everyb0dy wears
them. I was trying t0 fit in. Believe me, the tape on them is cool. I
th0ught that you'd be proud of my program. After all, I've made some money
0n it. A publisher is sending a check for $30,000. Anyway, I've paid for
the next six weeks 0f camp. I won't be home until late August.
Regards, William.
M0ther,
St0p treating me like a child. True -- physically I am only ten years
0ld. It was silly of you to try to kidnap me. Do not try again. Remember,
I can make y0ur life miserable (i.e. - the bank, credit bureau, and
g0vernment computers). I am not kidding. O.K.?
I w0n't write again and this is your only warning. The emotions of this
interpers0nal communication drain me.
Sincerely, William.
See what I mean? It's been tw0 weeks since I've heard from my little
b0y. What can I do, Mr.Dvorak? I know that it's probably too late to save
my little Billy. But, if by printing these letters y0u can save JUST ONE
CHILD fr0m a life of programming, please, I beg of you to do so. Thank you
very much.
Mary Gates, C0ncerned Parent
Ad campaigns g0ne awry
C0ors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as
"Suffer fr0m diarrhea."
Clair0l introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into German only to
find 0ut that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for
the "manure stick".
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electr0lux used the lowing in an American
campaign: N0thing sucks like an Electrolux.
The American sl0gan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem-Feeling Free", was
translated int0 the Japanese market as "When smoking Salem, you will
feel s0 refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."
When Gerber started selling baby f0od in Africa, they used the same
packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby 0n the label. Later
they learned that in Africa, c0mpanies routinely put pictures on the
label 0f what's inside, since most people can't read English.
C0lgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a
n0torious porno magazine.
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts f0r the Spanish
market which pr0moted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I saw the Pope" (el
Papa), the shirts read "I saw the p0tato" (la papa).
In Italy, a campaign f0r Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into
"Schweppes T0ilet Water."
Pepsi's "C0me alive with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi
brings y0ur ancestors back from the grave," in Chinese.
Frank Perdue's chicken sl0gan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender
chicken" was translated int0 Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make
a chicken affecti0nate."
When Parker Pen marketed a ball-p0int pen in Mexico, its ads were
supp0sed to have read, "it won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you".
Instead, the c0mpany thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate)
meant t0 embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your pocket and
make y0u pregnant".
In Cleveland, Ohi0, it's illegal to catch mice without a hunting
license.
Dr. Seuss c0ined the word "nerd" in his 1950 book "If I
Ran the Z0o"
It takes 3000 c0ws to supply the NFL with enough leather
f0r a year's supply of footballs.
Thirty-five percent 0f the people who use personal ads
f0r dating are already married.
There are an average 0f 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald's
Big Mac bun.
The w0rld's termites outweigh the world's humans 10 to 1.
P0und for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.
The 3 m0st valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro,
C0ca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
When Heinz ketchup leaves the b0ttle, it travels at a
rate 0f 25 miles per year.
It's p0ssible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
The Bible has been translated int0 Klingon.
Humans are the 0nly primates that don't have pigment in
the palms 0f their hands.
Ten percent 0f the Russian government's income comes from
the sale 0f vodka.
Ninety percent 0f New York City cabbies are recently-
arrived immigrants.
On average, 100 pe0ple choke to death on ballpoint pens
every year.
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases m0re energy than all
the w0rld's nuclear weapons combined.
Ren0, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.
Average lifespan 0f a major league baseball: 5 pitches.
Average age 0f top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years.
Average age 0f the Rolling Stones:50.6.
Elephants can't jump. Every 0ther mammal can.
The cigarette lighter was invented bef0re the match.
Five Jell-O flav0rs that flopped: celery, coffee, cola,
apple, and ch0colate.
Acc0rding to one study, 24% of Iawns have some sort of
lawn 0rnament in their yard.
Internati0nally, Baywatch is the most popular TV show in
hist0ry.
Ge0rge Carlin's warped thoughts!
1. If a mute swears, d0es his mother wash his hands with soap?
2. If s0meone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself,
is it c0nsidered a hostage situation?
3. Instead 0f talking to your plants, if you yelled a them would they
still gr0w, only to be troubled and insecure?
4. What's an0ther word for synonym?
5. Isn't it a bit unnerving that d0ctors call what they do
"practice"?
6. When sign makers g0 on strike, is anything written on their signs?
7. When y0u open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be
thr0wn away?
8. Where d0 forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
9. Why isn't there m0use-flavored cat food?
10. Why d0 they report power outages on TV?
11. What sh0uld you do when you see an endangered animal that is
eating an endangered plant?
12. Is it p0ssible to be totally partial?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
14. W0uld a fly that loses it wings be called a walk?
15. Why d0 they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone
will clean them?
16. If the funeral pr0cession is at night, do folks drive with their
headlights 0ff?
17. If a stealth b0mber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
18. If a man speaks in the f0rest and there is no woman to hear him,
is he still wr0ng?
19. If a turtle l0ses his shell, is it naked or homeless?
20. Why d0n't sheep shrink when it rains?
21. Sh0uld vegetarians eat animal crackers?
22. If the c0ps arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain silent?
23. Why d0 people who know the least know it the loudest?
24. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what d0 humanitarians eat?
THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
During all p0lice investigations it will be necessary to visit a
strip club at least 0nce.
All teleph0ne numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
If being chased thr0ugh town, you can usually take cover in a
passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time 0f the year
All beds have special L-shaped c0ver sheets which reach up to the
armpit level 0n a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying
beside her.
All gr0cery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
Bread.
It's easy f0r anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in
the c0ntrol tower to talk you down.
The ventilati0n system of any building is the perfect hiding place.
N0-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can
travel t0 any other part of the building you want without
difficulty.
Y0u're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make
the mistake 0f showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back
h0me.
Sh0uld you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
n0t be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
If y0ur town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer
beast, the may0r's first concern will be the tourist trade or his
f0rthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel T0wer can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will sh0w no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
but will wince when a w0man tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane 0f glass is visible, someone will be thrown through
it bef0re long.
When paying f0r a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a
bill -- just grab 0ne at random and hand it over. It will always be
the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically p0ssible with any creature from
elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens d0n't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
night, y0u should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted h0use, women should investigate any strange
n0ises in their most revealing underwear.
W0rd processors never display a cursor on screen but will always
say: Enter Passw0rd Now.
Cars that crash will alm0st always burst into flames.
The Chief 0f Police will always suspend his star detective -- or
give him 48 h0urs to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient t0 light up a room the size of RFK
Stadium.
It is n0t necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending
ph0ne conversations.
Even when driving d0wn a perfectly straight road it is necessary to
turn the steering wheel vig0rously from left to right every few
m0ments.
All b0mbs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
read0uts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always p0ssible to park directly outside the building you are
visiting.
If y0u decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you
bump int0 will know all the steps.
M0st laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
c0mmunication systems of any invading alien civilization.
It d0es not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
inv0lving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack
y0u one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have
kn0cked out their predecessors.
P0lice Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total
0pposite.
When they are al0ne, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
0ther.
Y0u can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any l0ck can be picked by a credit card or a paperclip in seconds --
unless it's the d0or to a burning building with a child trapped
inside.
An electric fence, p0werful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no
lasting damage t0 an eight year old child.
Televisi0n news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
pers0nally at that precise moment.
Signs sp0tted in different offices
====================================
Sign in an 0ffice window: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one
just left.
Veterinarians Waiting R0om: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
Sign 0n an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts
Sign 0utside a radiator repair shop: Best Place in town to take a leak
Maternity Cl0thes Shop: We are open on labor day
N0n-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you
are 0n fire and take appropriate action
On Maternity R0om Door: "Push,Push,Push"
On a Fr0nt Door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
Opt0metrist's Office: If you don't see what you're looking for,
y0u've come to the right place.
Scientist's D0or: Gone Fission
Taxidermist Wind0w: We really know our stuff
P0diatrist's Window: Time wounds all heels
Butcher's wind0w: Let me meat your needs
Sign 0n Fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive"
Car Dealership: The best way t0 get back on your feet -miss a car payment
Muffler Sh0p: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.
H0tel: "Help!" We need inn-experienced people
Dry Cleaners: Dr0p your pants here
Music Teacher's D0or: "Out Chopin" Be "Bach" in a "Minuet"
At the Electric C0mpany: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill.
H0wever, if you don't, you will be."
Beauty Sh0p: Dye now!
Garbage Truck: We've g0t what it takes to take what you've got
C0mputer Store: "Out for a quick byte"
Restaurant Wind0w: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed
up.
B0wling Alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.
Cafeteria: Sh0es are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any
place they want.
Funeral H0me: Drive carefully, we'll wait
No comments:
Post a Comment